Who am I?

Who am I?

Am I a human fully driven by my past, influenced my peers, judged by my society, questioned by my relatives, understood by some, inspired by the true, always searching for meaning, a cause, a role, an answer...

Am I living or am I alive? Am I here or am I in my mind?

Am I myself or am I data? Am I free-willed or am I google's experiment?

Who am I? If am I? only if I... 

I wrote this entry in my journal in 2018 while going though a dark night of the soul. I felt I was falling apart, unsure of what or who I was, contemplating my mortality, something inside me was dying every night, and re-awakening anew, fuller of life, like a force, a call to learn, to discover, to remember...

No longer satisfied with what I thought I knew, with the answers outside world had to offer, I began my journey inward, to the root of my being, to the depth of my soul, to where it all begins and ends- my heart.

I started literally listening to its beat... I began connecting with my body. I started remembering more of my life(s). I felt my pain deeper. I felt my joy lighter. I cried more than ever before. I finally felt the relief... the walls around my heart melting... the coming back home...I sought God and I found her inside of me, waiting to embrace her Child.

It took me years of self-discovery, of peeling off the layers, and truthfully, still doing so, to begin to piece this great puzzle together. Who am I? Who am I without my family and all they instilled in me? Who am I without my friends, my peers, without comparing myself to others? Who am I when I am not held back by the baggage of my previous experiences, traumas, hurts, resentments and regrets? Who am I under all of the programs of generations that came before me? Who was I before it all happened to me?

And most importantly, when am I going to live like IT?

Who am I?

I am a woman, a daughter, my mother, my father, and all those who came before me...and after me.

I create and I destroy.

I love and I hate.

I am strong and I am vulnerable.

I am kind-hearted, soft-spoken and gentle and I can cut like a blade.

I am God and Goddess and their Sacred Child.

I am human and Divine.

I am the darkest parts of my psyche and the light of my heart.

I embody amplitudes.

I am my love and my loss, my joy and my grief, my sadness and my laughter, my fear and my power.

And I am unlimited.

I am whoever I choose to be.